Lovingbeau's Blog

Journey of a new DD couple

Regaining Normalcy *Mya* March 9, 2011

Filed under: domestic discipline,relationships — lovingbeau @ 7:43 pm

So, guys and gals, sorry we’ve been MIA for so long. Life has just been kinda nutty here. Hopefully things are slowly returning to normal though. I’ll explain a little bit about what’s been going on that’s kept us quiet and then we’ll just see where it goes from there.

To say the least, the past few weeks have been absolutely tumultuous for me, and as a result also for Beau and for us in general. I honestly don’t remember how much I’ve shared on here about my past, and I don’t really have time to check right now. I’m typing this as Beau is in one of his classes. We’ll just suffice it to say that as a child, my dad was really abusive in a lot of ways. My mother then passed away when I was 17. Being a kid was no walk in the park, and frankly, I was happy to have survived it. Most of the time, I feel as though I handle those things well. However, there are times where I feel like I’m really struggling to keep my head above water. The past few weeks have been like that. I’ve been depressed, anxious, having panic attacks one after another. I can honestly say that this has probably been the lowest I’ve gotten other than the months immediately following my mom’s death.

I’ve been on some mild medications to help me cope before, but came off of them shortly before I moved to Michigan. In hindsight, that’s probably not the best decision I’ve ever made and I should have listened when my doctor back in Alabama wasn’t thrilled with that idea. But, as many of you know and Beau can attest to, I’m stubborn. When I’ve made up my mind about something there’s not much anyone can do to change it. And I was convinced that I was better and ready to come off the meds. Who knows, maybe I was. But I wasn’t ready to come off the meds and have basically every stable thing in my life change. My life changed dramatically and completely when I moved. I knew it would be a big change, but I could never have imagined it would be as big as it was. I’m not saying for a moment that I regret it though. I still think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. But I digress. I was honestly fine up until about 2 months ago. Then the symptoms all started up again. Slowly at first. I was snappy and moody and tearful. They were fairly infrequent though, so I chalked it all up to just having a few bad days. Well, bad days turned into bad weeks, and suddenly there were precious few good days.

Over the course of those couple of months, Beau suggested on more than one occasion that maybe I should consider a trip to the doctor and getting back on the medication. I was still convinced however, that I could do just fine with out the medicine and would become irate (which isn’t really like me) whenever he made the suggestion. Before anyone goes criticizing hom or saying he should have pushed harder and made me go sooner. Maybe he should have, I don’t know. But I don’t think that would have fixed the problem. Until I was ready to see the issue for what it was and deal with, he could have spanked me every day and it would have done no good. When someone is in a depression or whatever you want to call what I’ve been in, they really do have to look within themselves and find the strength to get through it. I realize I’m totally biased,  but I feel like Beau did the best thing he could be. He stood beside me, held me when I was upset, talked me through countless panic attacks, and waited until I was ready to do something. He reassured me that WE would get through this. I never had to doubt his place in my life  or how he felt about me. And I knew that the circumstances, difficult as they were and still are, did not change the way he felt about me in the least. He has been exactly what I needed through this very difficult time. I know I didn’t always act like that or give him the credit he deserves, so I guess I just wanted to be very certain that he knew it.

So, anyway. I keep going off on different tangents. It’s just been too long since I wrote and  now I feel like I have to get it all out at once. Sorry if this is scattered. It’s definitely not my best work. :) Back to the story. I went to the doctor today and she wrote me a prescription for my antidepressants. YAY! I feel better just knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel now. She mentioned that she knew some good counselors if I ever needed one or felt like that might help. I honestly don’t know how I feel about that. I’ve been through counseling before, years ago. And I don’t know how much good it will do to drag up all those old issues again. I remember how painful and gut-wrenching that was and I’m not sure if I want to go through it again. But on the other hand, I wonder if it would be beneficial to go through counseling with an adult perspective on things. Without a doubt, there are some issues that I didn’t have to deal with as a teenager. I guess things just really affect you differently as an adult. She wants to see me again in about a month so that she can see if the medication is starting to work and to just do an overall physical. They have a weight loss program and I’mm thinking of talking to her about that as well. So, depending on what I decide and how I’m doing, I may be talking to her about the possibility of a counselor too. All  that remains to be seen.

Now, one final topic and I’ll close. The blog obviously is about our DD journey. Beau and I have talked for a while about while that is the main purpose and the reason why the blog was created in the first place, it isn’t all there is to us. And the last thing I want anyone to think is that all we do is DD. It really isn’t. There’s so much more to our dynamic. DD is but a small part of that. All that being said though, DD has most definitely taken a back seat the past couple of months. I think on some level it had to. For a while there, I was seriously not emotionally equipped to deal with all of that. And thankfully, Beau knew that and didn’t push the issue. ANd I will freely admit, there were probably times when he would have loved nothing more than to pull out that darned wooden spoon or paddle! I couldn’t have really blamed him. I have not been very pleasant lately.

But anyway, he started back reminders last week. He’s taking the stance of really re-establishing his role and the fact that he’s the one in charge, not me. If you’ve read the blog for any length of time, you know that I have some issues with control. It seems I try to take it back every chance I get. Well, let me tell you, he most certainly proved to me last week that he was the one in control of this stuff. On Thursday, I got my reminder, and he really pushed my limits. I absolutely got to the point of near panic and honestly thinking I could not take any more. I think it was good for us though. I was forced to trust him. There was nothing I could do to stop what was happening. I was terrified of him going to far but I just had to work through it. I hope this makes sense and I’m so sorry if it doesn’t. But I had to get to a point of surrender. Once it was all over, it was this huge relief. He had gone past what I thought I could handle. And I survived. He didn’t go too far, he took me just far enough to get me to that point of willing submission. It was a very nice feeling.

It lasted all of a day…lol. On Friday, I had some friends coming in to stay with me for the weekend. BTW, you know who you are, I had a GREAT time and cannot wait to see you guys again. Did I mention these were some fellow DD friends? It was great having them because Beau and I could totally be ourselves and didn’t have to try to be subtle about anything or hide the fact that he’s leader. But as many of you probably guess (and most of you ladies can understand), I was a mess before they got in. I was cleaning and organizing like a madwoman. And I temporarily turned into a snapping turtle. Well, it was quickly remedied by me being bent over the arm of the sofa feeling the wrath of Beau’s implements. Odd as it may sound, it felt good to be regaining a sense of normalcy and equilibrium. We’ve got a date planned for tomorrow-just hanging out at my house, so we’ll see if there’s more to blog about then. I can think of a couple more topics, but I think they’ll be much better on their own.

Hope you all are having a blessed week! As always, looking forward to the comments!

 

A Disconnect *Mya* February 7, 2011

Filed under: domestic discipline,relationships — lovingbeau @ 1:01 am

I have to say that this has been an odd week to say the least. It’s been insanely busy between work and all that Beau and I have had to get done. And honestly, overall, it’s been a really good week. Today we had planned to just hang out at my house after church, which we did. Even though we had been together most of the week, I was looking forward to today and the slower pace and some time to just really reconnect. Unfortunately, things didn’t go entirely as planned. I’m going to add a little disclaimer before I go any further. Beau, I am not upset with you. We had a bad day, that’s it and I’m sure tomorrow will be better. There, now that I’ve said that, let me attempt to explain.

Basically what happened before the spanking was just as Beau described. Maybe it shouldn’t have bothered me. Maybe I should have been able to just let it go. But it did and I couldn’t. It really upset me. I KNOW that this isn’t the case at all, but at that moment I felt like he thought that the cell phone and the stupid basketball game was more important that me and our conversation. You can call me needy and insecure if you want, but I think these types of things happen to women everywhere. There are times when we just need to feel like we are in the center of our man’s world. And this was one of those times for me. So for this to happen today was absolutely horrid timing.

We waited a few minutes before getting on with the reminder because I was hurt and frustrated. I needed a few minutes and thankfully, Beau knew that. He gave me some time. And I thought I was fine to go ahead with it. But let me tell you, as soon as the first swat landed, I was mad. I don’t know that I even realized that at the time though. I think I knew it on some level but was unwilling to admit it or do anything about it. I gritted my teeth through the whole thing and tried to stay as quiet as possible.  As has become his norm, he sent me to the corner in the middle. I’m not sure if he caught it but I shot him a death glare. I think he saw it. That was definitely my intention at the time although even now I’m not sure what purpose it would have served. When he told me to get back over the ottoman, I was so close to telling him no. I’ve never been outright defiant with him like that, but I seriously considered it today.

After the spanking was over, I was initially just fine. But before long, I started getting in one of those weird moods. We’ve noticed that I tend to get in those sometimes after a spanking, especially if it wasn’t enough. I think this one was enough for a reminder though. I’m pretty much fine but for a few hours it was definitely noticeable to me physically that I had gotten a spanking. I also think, and granted I could be wrong, that Beau was going a little easier on me at times because he knew I had been upset beforehand. Some of the swats were gentler and I felt like he was softening up on me and others I felt like he knew I was fighting and was trying to break through that wall.

Right now as I write this, I feel bad for him. I cannot imagine how confused he must have been. He may or may not have had any idea, but I was fighting within myself the entire time. Usually, I gladly give over control to him. As my last post said, I love it. But today, for whatever reason, I was fighting tooth and nail to take that control back. I think in some ways I was really frustrated that I couldn’t get it back even though deep down I didn’t want it. Beau, I definitely would not want to have your job and make all these decisions.

So anyway, afterwards, like I said, I was in a crummy mood. I managed to keep myself out of trouble. Let me tell you, that was a miracle in itself tonight. But again, poor Beau I think was worried sick. It was a big enough issue that he turned the Super Bowl off and he loves football, well sports in general, nearly as much as he loves me. I guess I could ramble some more and I likely will later on in the week, but right now, it’s late and I’m tired so I’m heading onto bed soon. Good night guys and gals!

 

This week’s edition February 6, 2011

Filed under: domestic discipline,punishments — lovingbeau @ 5:55 pm

The subject of this blog entry serves a purpose. Today Mya and I got together and one of the things I brought up before her reminder session was that it seems we only blog in here after a spanking and how our readers are quite possibly getting the impression that it is all we do. As many people who do the dd relationship know spanking is merely one aspect of the relationship. I told Mya that we need to get more regular about posting here. I don’t want to make a rule about this because its something we are both supposed to be doing together and well I just don’t know how Mya would ever punish me (take away my ability to spank her for some period of time LOL) that just doesn’t seem practical? I joke about this but it brings up another thing that happened today that I kind of feel bad about. Mya and I were thinking that there was something else we had said we would discuss today and neither one of us could remember it. I said maybe she had sent me a text and since I only delete my texts from her about once every 3 or 4 days maybe it would be in there. Well dumb old me grabbed my phone and dang if I didn’t have a new text. I don’t know why I even opened it. We were in the middle of a serious discussion and here I am opening up a text message and whats worse it was a sports score. As soon as I mentioned what it said Mya was instantly and understandably frustrated with me. I have made a new rule that when we are having serious talks or things going on the phone goes off completely. I feel better about that. So anyway after we talked Mya got her reminder spanking. I did not pull her pants down for the second set this time and initially she was saying afterwords that she didn’t think it had been the same as the last one. But later when she got up to go get ready to get dinner she said maybe she had been wrong about that so stay tuned for her blog later to see what the verdict is.  So all in all a good day so far even with my little blunder. Sorry honey :( Tonight we’ll eat, spend time together and watch the Steelers whoop the Packers.

 

Out of Control *Mya* January 28, 2011

Filed under: domestic discipline,punishments,relationships,thoughts on life — lovingbeau @ 1:50 am

A quick disclaimer before I start. I’m in a bit of a philosophical mood. One of those moods where I’m contemplating the meaning of my life and how it is and should be. Consider yourself warned. :)

So, I realized this afternoon that I am totally out of control. And I love it! You may be sitting at your computer and thinking, “What? She’s out of control? How on earth can that be a good thing?” Let me explain. As all our readers know, Beau and I are in a domestic discipline relationship. This has been quite the week for us. This is my second spanking in a week, and I think that’s a first. Probably most of you have already read the blogs from just a couple of days ago. If you haven’t, they really would be good background for this one.

Just a quick note for those of you who either haven’t read or who have slept since then. :) On Tuesday, Beau spanked me for trying to get out of reminders. I might add, I did that successfully. The bratty, playful side of me is almost proud, but the logical, rational part of me, sees how it can become so damaging. I basically, no I did lie to him to get out of them. We’ve talked about it, (In case you haven’t noticed, we do that a lot!) and have come to the conclusion that it was just a communication breakdown. Beau and I pride ourselves on having good communication. And we usually do. I think initially he was afraid that I didn’t trust him enough to just let him know that I just emotionally couldn’t handle it those days. It was all around Christmas time, which is by far the hardest time of year for me. He would have understood, and I know that now. Like I told him, it’s not that I don’t trust him, it’s that sometimes I forget that I can.

Well, at the end of that spanking, and let me tell you, it hurt, I thought everything was just fine. But it wasn’t. I honestly don’t remember if I blogged about this earlier or not. If I have, just listen to me again and humor me. We left my house that night for me to take Beau to school. We were going to grab some dinner first and then head over there. That’s what we did. Well, on the way from the restaurant to the school,  I took a wrong turn, didn’t have my GPS and had no clue where to go to get back on track. So instead of just asking Beau whether or not he knew, I went into total bitch mode. Sorry for the language, I try to refrain on here, but there is absolutely no other word for it. And for those of you who don’t know, the reason why Beau may not always know his way around though he’s lived here his entire life is because he doesn’t drive. It just went downhill all the way to the campus. I finally managed to settle down and the rest of the night went okay.

Later that night and the next day, he and I talked about what had happened and tried to figure it out. We finally did. The spanking, though it had hurt, wasn’t enough. It had no lasting effect, physically or psychologically. I always know afterwards if it was enough or not, but it isn’t immediate. It usually isn’t until a few hours later. I don’t know what about it wasn’t enough. Maybe there’s more of a connection between the physical and psychological aspect (for me anyway) than I thought. Whatever it is, I wish there was a way to know if it was enough right then.

There were definitely some different aspects with the spanking this time. The basics were longer, harder, and he had me pull my pants down for part of it. Which honestly, is a big step for us. So he says it was a spanking on my panties. I say it may as well have been bare :P He certainly seemed to favor the non-covered areas. And by that point, I was squirmy and probably more non-covered that covered. I usually go into more detail about the physical aspects of the spanking and what Beau did, but since we changed some things up, and I honestly couldn’t tell you what all he differently, I’m going to leave it to Beau to describe the actual spanking. It just isn’t where my heart is tonight.

The big thing for me, is today’s spanking was just enough. It wasn’t too much or too little. It was exactly what I needed at that moment. I don’t know how he knew that or if it was luck. Maybe he can enlighten us all with his response. I do know that when it was over, even though my bottom was sore and hot and bruised, I felt totally at peace. Still no tears, and I’ve come to a place that I’m okay with that. Just because I don’t cry doesn’t mean the spanking wasn’t effective. I didn’t shed the first tear today, but I know that this spanking was effective. It brought about that closeness I always feel when I’m with him and he’s firmly the one in charge. I don’t have a clue why that is. I suppose it’s like my little niece says when we ask her why she’s so pretty or smart-it’s how God made me. Maybe that’s how I can know it’s enough. I can just ask if I have that peaceful feeling. I don’t know how to let him in on that I need more if I ever do. I’m not asking for it! LOL.Like I said earlier, I don’t know how Beau knew it was time to stop. But I did notice what I think was a tone of relief when he said we were done. Again, something else for you to enlighten us on dear Beau!

So after the spanking, we went out to eat and were driving to a basketball game about an hour and a half away. Umm, Can I say OUCH?! A nearly two-hour car ride was not a good idea. Nor was sitting in a hard chair at the game and riding back home. I couldn’t wait to get out of that car!! When we were getting out of the car, I was joking around and talking about how happy I was that I had survived my first real winter (so far) without busting my tail on the ice. I told him I hoped I hadn’t jinxed it by saying that because if I had fallen on my tail tonight, I probably would have cried because my butt was still sore. He just kind of smirked and asked, “Does it make you think I’m mean or sadistic if  I say I’m happy about that?”

All of a sudden, I was as serious as serious could be. I told him no, obviously. And I didn’t say much then, but nothing could be further from the truth. Beau loves me and I love him. He spanks me yes, and it hurts, sometimes worse than others. But in no way does that make me think that he enjoys inflicting pain on me. I honestly think it’s just the opposite. Hopefully he doesn’t mind me sharing, but we both rather enjoy playful little spankings. However, I don’t think either of us enjoy the spankings like the one I got today. I know I don’t. They hurt. And on some level, they’re embarrassing. But I wouldn’t trade the effects of these spankings for anything. When it’s enough, I feel so much more at peace, more in love, more submissive, more secure. In short, my world is right. I know that everything will be okay because Beau is the one in control. Well, other than God, of course. That’s what I mean when I say I’m out of control. In those moments, I know there is no need for me to struggle to maintain control. It isn’t my job.

One final note, then I’ll close. Beau is implementing a “zero tolerance” policy. I’m sorry honey, I know you don’t like that terminology, but try as I might, I can’t come up with anything else. Basically what he means by that, is that no deviation from the rules is going to be allowed. No excuses. I don’t know how long this will go on. I don’t think he intends for it to go forever. Amazingly enough, I’m not worried about how long it will be. I trust him. He knows me and he’ll know when it’s time to back off. I honestly feel good about this. I hate when my mouth and attitude get the best of me like they did the other night. It scares me. It makes me wonder if I’m going to cause the relationship to break down. So in reality, I’m glad he’s taking this approach. This is something we both feel needs to be gotten under control. We’ve been working on it for a while with no real success so we’re moving to the next step in the plan. Stay tuned to see how it all turns out.

So even though I’m bruised and sitting gently, I’m happy. I don’t know why I feel the need to say this and I doubt anyone reading would think this, but the last thing I want anyone to think is that I’m abused. I’m a well-spanked and well-adjusted woman. I’m out of control. Beau is in control. And I love it! I’ve never felt better in my life!

 

A little change *Mya* January 26, 2011

Filed under: domestic discipline,punishments — lovingbeau @ 12:00 am

Hey guys! We’re back! Things have been so crazy and busy around here between the holidays and all, but I think they’re finally (hopefully!) starting to slow down. I know that my last post was basically a total downer and I hate that. Promise this one won’t be so bad. I don’t really know how to start, so I guess I’ll take my usual approach: Be blunt and just say it.

I got my first punishment spanking today. And I have to say, I’m glad it’s over. I went back to Alabama for another visit about a week and a half ago. To make a long story short, while I was down there, I was talking to my dear Beau and ended up confessing to having tried to skip out on a few reminder sessions. I swear the worst part was waiting. I told him while I was still down there. As soon as I got back up here, it was right back to work. Today was the first chance we had to deal with it. I spent nine days dreading this thing. I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve never actually been punished before, all of my spankings to date have been reminders. But I swear, nothing could have been as bad as what I had imagined in my head.

Honestly, I didn’t want to deal with this today. He and I had a really rough night last night talking with his parents about him going back to Alabama with me, us getting engaged and married in the near future. To say the least, it did not go as planned, but that’s an entirely different subject, and possibly a future blog all its own. I will say, there was a part of me that would have loved for him to say, “You know what, it’s been a rough week. Let’s just forget it.” But he didn’t. And if I’m totally honest, I would have been disappointed if he had. I think because he stepped up, did it even though it was not good timing, and just handled it, I respect him a little bit more.

He also tried cornertime this go around. That was a new experience for me. He used every implement we have. (Thank God we only have four!!) He started off with that damn spoon (Have I mentioned I HATE that thing?! I really think it’s the worst!) then moved to a small wooden paddle. I was pretty shaky and nearing tears then so he asked if I needed a break. I did so he told me to go stand in the corner. I thought about rubbing my poor behind, but didn’t. I figured he would probably just warn me and give me one free rub, but I knew he knew that I knew better than to do it. So in short, it wasn’t worth the risk to me.

I had previously thought that cornertime would serve no purpose than to further upset me. But right then, it really helped me to calm down a bit and regroup. I needed that at that moment. I don’t have a clue how long I stood there, but I don’t think it was very long. Maybe Beau will enlighten us all when he posts. When he called me out, it was back over the ottoman. This time, he started out with the blue acrylic paddle which is quite a stinger then gave me some with the strap. I have to ask Beau, have you been studying on how to use these things? Because this experience with the strap, though painful, went much better than the first with all the wrap around and biting feelings.

After that, he told me to go stand in the corner again. I knew the punishment was over, and the corner thing wasn’t making me feel too hot right then. I don’t know if he saw it or not, but I flashed him quite the look. I went though. I knew that he would know if I was distressed and call me back out. It’s amazing even to me how much I trust him. I did manage to calm down in the corner and by the time he called me out, it was just some sniffling and no more tears. We talked about it after, and we both think that the cornertime in the middle works, but that it’s better if he just holds me when it’s all over. I would have much preferred him holding me while I cried it out.

He held me and we talked for a good bit afterward. He made sure I knew why he had punished me. He asked if I felt like it was too much, it wasn’t. He asked if I felt like it was enough, and I was honestly torn. At that moment, it felt like enough to me, but I could already tell it wasn’t going to have the last effects that he had been going for. And it hasn’t. An hour later and I honestly couldn’t even tell I had been spanked. It seems that every time this is the issue that we run into. I’m not sure how to rectify that, but I think it needs to be addressed. Ultimately, I know that he intended it to last. For it to be a punishment, to me it needs to last. It frustrates me when it doesn’t. And I’m sure it does him as well.

I guess that’s about it for now friends. I’m going to kick back and anxiously await your feedback and Beau’s post! Be blessed!

 

Beau supplemental December 5, 2010

Filed under: domestic discipline — lovingbeau @ 9:35 pm

LOL I love that title I came up with. But enough of that.

Apparently I did not give Mya enough, I’m not angry about that I mean it was merely supposed to be a reminder. But honey I wish you would have spoke up. And as for the decorating thing I didn’t get bothered by that. I honestly wasn’t taking it that way so thats all good. I do have to say I am noticing some little things about Mya that while not big issues are for lack of a better term troublesome. Nothing to worry about sweetheart. Just things we need to work on and I think you probably already know what they are. Love you and our readers :) but you more.

 

Yesterday’s Reminder

Filed under: domestic discipline,punishments — lovingbeau @ 12:26 pm

It’s been a while since Mya and I have had a reminder session. She had gone to Alabama to see her family and then when she got back she hurt her knee so there was some concern about if she could handle my wheelchair in and out of her car last weekend so we hung out at my house. So we had decided on Friday that it needed doing yesterday. I had bought a new paddle and a strap and I was eager to see what they looked like in actuality. 

We started by going out to have a great lunch at Olive Garden. I love Fettucini Alfredo. I didn’t know it until yesterday. After lunch we went to do some Christmas decoration shopping. Mya and I both realized how much we do NOT enjoy shopping. Well I think she enjoys looking at all the stuff and dreaming but she hates the crowd’s, finding a parking space, etc…. and well I hate all that stuff but for me the actual act of shopping does not have a redeeming quality. Don’t get me wrong I have things I like to buy. I just much prefer to do it online from the comfort of my house with no crowds, no cold weather, and no hassles. 

I want to interject one rather pleasant thing that happened. I hope Mya won’t mind my brief tangent into something else that for me is a pet peeve. As I believe it has been widely stated in this blog, I am a paraplegic, for the non medical people in the crowd, that means two of your limbs are paralyzed. For me its my legs, when I was little I crawled on the floor, as I got a bit older I had leg braces and got around some with either a walker or crutches. But my main mode of transportation has been use of a wheelchair. All my life I have dealt with people staring which yes that bugs the heck out of me, but my bigger problem is when little kids ask their parents about me and their parents don’t answer the question. They simply try to shut the child up thinking I am deaf or stupid and that I haven’t already heard the child or seen the whispering. GET A CLUE people I’m not blind, I’m not stupid or deaf. I hear, see and think very well and so when these kids are asking the parent questions I am fully aware. If the parent poo poos the child or tries to shut them up my favorite thing to do is to say “I can’t walk, my legs don’t work like yours. This is how I get around.” I love to see the shock in the parents eyes when they realize that I had figured out what was going on. But anyway, yesterday Mya and I were at Target and we came down this aisle and there was a little boy sitting in a cart and his mom was a few feet away and I was busy talking to Mya about whatever we were looking at and when I noticed the boy I smiled which is my typical reaction. To my surprise the boy didn’t go shy, or try to get his moms attention. He waved at me. So I waved back and asked him how he was. He said he was doing good and I smiled and said that was awesome. Now, he never asked me about the wheelchair and to my knowledge he never asked his mom but it was so cool to me to have this child be totally unafraid of me. Anyway back to Mya and me and our day. Thanks for listening to that.

We got done with that and then headed for Mya’s house. When we got there we unpacked the car and then we talked for a bit about issues. Well we talked about one issue. Time, it seems to continually rear its ugly head. Whenever something doesn’t happen on time I can figure that Mya will be upset. If she doesn’t voice it I find myself wondering what she’s thinking. Anyway so that is what we talked about. I think we better understand each others issues around this topic and I think we have committed to continue working on it.

After we got done talking it was time to get down to the business at hand. Mya brought me the new paddle and the strap. The strap is great but looks very scary to me. I think it will make a great punishment spanking implement. However, in my mind it was too much for just a reminder. That being said I had already decided that I didn’t like the other paddle we had bought before or the wooden spoon. So that left the new paddle. Actually I really like it. It’s light weight and easy to hold. It’s long enough to do a good job but I still find myself alternating between sides of her bottom. I decided it was very appropriate for a reminder. So I had Mya get in position over the Ottoman. This has become our place of choice.

I really don’t know how long I spanked her yesterday. I do know that it seemed to me that it was effective from the first swat to the last. I also think I drove home the message I wanted to send. After she told me that the spanking with the new paddle hurt worse then the old stuff we’d used but that it didn’t last. My initial thought was that was good. But upon further reflection I may modify things for the next. I don’t want reminders to be very painful, just painful enough. But, the whole idea of a reminder is to send a message and have it stick. The best way of knowing if that is happening is to see if there is an overall difference in behavior. So thats what I’ll be watching for. I hope all our readers had an excellent thanksgiving with their families. I know I did and I know that Mya is definitely on my list of things I am thankful for in 2010.

 

 
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