I have to say that this has been an odd week to say the least. It’s been insanely busy between work and all that Beau and I have had to get done. And honestly, overall, it’s been a really good week. Today we had planned to just hang out at my house after church, which we did. Even though we had been together most of the week, I was looking forward to today and the slower pace and some time to just really reconnect. Unfortunately, things didn’t go entirely as planned. I’m going to add a little disclaimer before I go any further. Beau, I am not upset with you. We had a bad day, that’s it and I’m sure tomorrow will be better. There, now that I’ve said that, let me attempt to explain.
Basically what happened before the spanking was just as Beau described. Maybe it shouldn’t have bothered me. Maybe I should have been able to just let it go. But it did and I couldn’t. It really upset me. I KNOW that this isn’t the case at all, but at that moment I felt like he thought that the cell phone and the stupid basketball game was more important that me and our conversation. You can call me needy and insecure if you want, but I think these types of things happen to women everywhere. There are times when we just need to feel like we are in the center of our man’s world. And this was one of those times for me. So for this to happen today was absolutely horrid timing.
We waited a few minutes before getting on with the reminder because I was hurt and frustrated. I needed a few minutes and thankfully, Beau knew that. He gave me some time. And I thought I was fine to go ahead with it. But let me tell you, as soon as the first swat landed, I was mad. I don’t know that I even realized that at the time though. I think I knew it on some level but was unwilling to admit it or do anything about it. I gritted my teeth through the whole thing and tried to stay as quiet as possible. As has become his norm, he sent me to the corner in the middle. I’m not sure if he caught it but I shot him a death glare. I think he saw it. That was definitely my intention at the time although even now I’m not sure what purpose it would have served. When he told me to get back over the ottoman, I was so close to telling him no. I’ve never been outright defiant with him like that, but I seriously considered it today.
After the spanking was over, I was initially just fine. But before long, I started getting in one of those weird moods. We’ve noticed that I tend to get in those sometimes after a spanking, especially if it wasn’t enough. I think this one was enough for a reminder though. I’m pretty much fine but for a few hours it was definitely noticeable to me physically that I had gotten a spanking. I also think, and granted I could be wrong, that Beau was going a little easier on me at times because he knew I had been upset beforehand. Some of the swats were gentler and I felt like he was softening up on me and others I felt like he knew I was fighting and was trying to break through that wall.
Right now as I write this, I feel bad for him. I cannot imagine how confused he must have been. He may or may not have had any idea, but I was fighting within myself the entire time. Usually, I gladly give over control to him. As my last post said, I love it. But today, for whatever reason, I was fighting tooth and nail to take that control back. I think in some ways I was really frustrated that I couldn’t get it back even though deep down I didn’t want it. Beau, I definitely would not want to have your job and make all these decisions.
So anyway, afterwards, like I said, I was in a crummy mood. I managed to keep myself out of trouble. Let me tell you, that was a miracle in itself tonight. But again, poor Beau I think was worried sick. It was a big enough issue that he turned the Super Bowl off and he loves football, well sports in general, nearly as much as he loves me. I guess I could ramble some more and I likely will later on in the week, but right now, it’s late and I’m tired so I’m heading onto bed soon. Good night guys and gals!
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