Ok so here I am again. I went back and read what Mya wrote and what I wrote after and decided to post some more about my thoughts and feelings about the last few months. Like I said last night, it really was not as terrible as Mya remembered it. I do remember around Christmas that it was the first I really noticed any major things going on. I figured it was just the time of year. As I think she has shared Christmas time is a difficult period for her. I figured that was all it was. But it went beyond Christmas and just didn’t seem to get better which is when I really did start to get concerned. I remember her going from nervous to crying and then seemingly being ok all in a matter of 30 to 60 minutes. I tried to do what I thought needed to be done at any given moment. I think a big mistake I maybe made was not stepping up and being more dominant. Taking some things off her plate. But as we have often said to each other and on here this is a journey and it is still reasonably new to the two of us. There is a huge difference between believing something on your own and putting it into practice with somebody else. I think I worry about making sure I am doing what I should be or that I am on some sort power trip. I don’t want to be too far one way or the other.
About a week or so ago Mya and I talked and I realized she was not getting what she needed. I made the general suggestion that she could remind me and a little bit to my surprise she got upset with me and basically told me that if I was who I claimed to be that I didn’t need to be reminded and she was not going to do that. To say that stung just a little bit would probably be an understatement but I am so very happy that she did that. Because after we said good night I had a “come to Jesus” talk with myself. When I told Mya about this the next day she said she really wished she could have been a fly on the wall to watch it. I’m not sure it would have been the same if I had known somebody was watching. The basic thing that came out of my experience that night was that I had to take some responsibility for the tailspin Mya went into. I think if I had been more firm with her I may have been able to prevent some of it. Not saying absolutely because I think there was some medical issues there that definitely needed to be addressed. But I think if I had been a firm and steady guiding hand more often I could have caught some of the slips before they became falls. I won’t lie I still struggle with not wanting to be too firm. But what I think I have realized is that firmness mixed with love is ok. So that is my goal everyday now to be firm but loving. I told Mya this morning that we need to be in communication regularly and that when I ask how I’m doing it is not that I am asking to be reminded. Its my way of making sure I am fulfilling my goals. Have an awesome day everybody and as always any questions or comments are greatly appreciated.